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Natasha
14 August 2010 @ 02:11 am

it is way past my normal bed time. the bed time i believed i would stick to for at least several more years. fail. lately i've been sleeping later and later and it has definitely taken a toll on my body, not even mentioning the constant eating i do without the exercise.

but i rly felt like blogging just now. i feel like crying. bursting into familiar tears. longing for the feeling of relief after a nice (and salty) cry. maybe it's that time of month again. maybe not.

i want answers to seemingly arbitrary questions. people tell me not to worry too much. i can't help it. i think i was born a worrywart. however, just sitting here and pondering, i know that God will slowly unravel this big ball of questions to reveal more than satisfactory answers. and with this unraveling, i'm just going to see the greatness and love of God.

for those that have watched inception, or at least, have seen the trailer, buildings that the protagonist builds are seen crumbling. it just seems like i'm putting these "buildings" in my life, essentially, creating my own problems that are hindering me from having a wide open field and empty heart for God. and God is taking these buildings and crumbling them so that i know His power and His awesomeness by having a renewed mind.

i need to catch some z's. gnite livejournal.

 
 
Natasha
05 June 2010 @ 09:57 pm

The weekend before finals and here I am blogging. Procrastinating, you say? Hardly so. Taking 3 online classes and 2 campus classes does have its perks after all. Suffering early in the quarter doesn't seem like it was much suffering at all, now that I think about it. I've been shooting down my classes one by one. I just have my geography online final and SWOT analysis left and "HELLO, SUMMER" :) But, to all those who have finals right now, 화이팅~~! 加油~!

About a month ago, I was laid off from my year-long job at Yogurtland. I still don't know why I was laid off and am still waiting for a response from my former boss (and the PWE document hehe). Definitely a highlight of the busy month. God knew it was my time to move on to better opportunities and focus on the remaining weeks of school. This came sooner than I expected and I did not expect to be the one to be said "Goodbye" to. My plan was to work a lot during the summer until I had found an internship and then quit indefinitely as I will be living on campus next year. Nonetheless, I'm glad this was all in God's hands :)

So, as I was saying, I'll be living on campus next year!! Well, that's the plan. Application accepted, money deposited, and roomie confirmed. My parents are still iffy about it, but they haven't said no. Or maybe they have, but not in a very clear manner u_u. I'm hoping this will all pan out because I think I really need to learn to live by myself and experience that college life! My future roomie is a wonderful 언니 whom I've gotten quite close to in the past month.


~Adorable, right? I think so too ;).

An active year in KCCC has come to a close, with the banquet, where many pretty sisters and handsome brothers dressed up for a night of reflection and celebration of the past year.


~The sisters that were able to make it. CPP KCCC picture pending...

I am finally a soonjang (spiritual parent)!!!! It's been a crazy ride and another step in this ministry has yet to begin. I am so grateful for my own 순장 and the fellow brothers and sisters that have joined this walk with me. I can't wait until I have my own 순원 and be able to grow with and teach them how awesome God is (: .


~Let's go win some souls!! 아자 아자!

Still, I can't say my relationship with God has been stellar. I'm still going through some bumps, with my patience and heart tested by the most recent "drama". I don't quite know who to trust anymore, in terms of friends. I tend to see the good in people and am always giving them the benefit of the doubt. However, I just don't know anymore. I believe God is teaching me a big lesson through all this and am patiently waiting for the next step He wants me to take. I know I shouldn't worry, but I can't help it. I'm still praying for God to show me the right one...I feel like I'm asking God to show me quickly-- like a little kid who is just too anxious to wait for that precious lollipop and asking daddy to give her just a little lick. It's really a puzzle to me whether I have met my Prince Charming or if we have yet to meet :| But I know God will provide the best!!

Knowing me, I probably won't be back until for another couple/several months. I may be abandoning this and starting a tumblr...I highly doubt I can juggle both. But, it's strictly for fresh beginnings, so no hard feelings fellow LJers :). I will also be starting a joint food tumblr with future roomie. I'll put a link here once that starts as well as the new tumblr, if I get one. SO, I hope I'll be able to accomplish these things in the summer and beyond (in no particular order or importance):

creating masterpieces from Foodgawker and/or bakebakebake
make enough money for rent
lose 10lbs
get a new phone + texting plan
reformat laptop
redeem a mac on lockerz
hang out with bestie at least 5 days/week
learn korean
be more girly??

 
 
Natasha
22 November 2009 @ 01:24 am
My church has been supporting many missionaries in different countries and at tonight's mission revival night, Uncle Bob shared about what he was doing in Europe. Uncle Bob (everyone calls him that instead of Rev. Lo... at least, all the younger ppl do) was one of our main English pastors (if memory serves me correctly) but left for church-planting work in Geneva, Switzerland at the end of '03, the year I began attending church. I heard him speak several times, but we never got to know each other. I've heard things about him from other people, like he's a superb cook, but I really wanted to get to know him personally because he seems very wise. I definitely got a wise vibe from him. Anyway, we were all looking forward to him giving a message, but instead, he gave us a report. Not that there's anything bad about that, I just wanted the message more :) However, he did share what was on his heart about being a missionary. He shared a simple story about a chicken and a hog in relation to how we should look at missions:
A farmer had a chicken and a hog on his farm. One day, the chicken and hog were outside the farmer's kitchen window. They were discussing who had the most to give to the farmer for his breakfast. The chicken said it lays eggs. The hog says it has to lay down its life.
Why can't we lay down our lives for God? Not only when it comes to missions, but everything. We shouldn't be the Christians that just "lays the eggs" and sit back and watch other Christians lay their lives down. God sent Jesus to die for us, when we were unworthy. How can we not give our all for our Creator? It just doesn't make sense to me. I really pray for radical change in myself. I can say all this and be so empty in my words if I do not have the actions to show for it. I want...to be so convicted to share the Good News with those that have not met Him yet, to be so passionate for His teachings and His Word, to be so anguished for those still living in the darkness and embracing the world and not Him...
 
 
Natasha
05 November 2009 @ 03:57 pm
I am currently in class, listening to how the media is an impact to the American Government. Sounds exciting, right? Chyeah, right.
At the same time I'm trying to re-install MSN Messenger 8.5 because they finally put a forced notice to download or else I can't sign in. It's driving me nuts. Maybe I'll have to give in to Version 9 D:
I feel compelled to turn this journal into a spiritual/devotional journal, just like my best friend joy_of_god . I am truly inspired by her entries and the amazing encounters and blessings she's experienced so far in her journey with God. Perhaps this is what will keep me accountable and on track in my relationship with Him.

Honestly, I haven't been much in touch with God. Yes, I pray, but that isn't enough. Yes, I'm serving, but that isn't enough. My heart isn't on fire as it should be. The Jesus in me is not glowing as it should. I feel like I'm trapped in my body knowing that I'm living my life dimly and I can't do anything to fight back. All the stuff going on, school, work, church activities, seem to be engulfing me in such a way that I forget my purpose. My life has been filled with blessings and miracles by God's grace and mercy, but what am I doing in glorifying Him? Of course, it isn't about how many ministries I'm in or how many people I bring to church or how many times I attend a Bible study or church each week. God doesn't care about quantity. We can do a million things for God and His Kingdom, but is our heart in it? Do we truly have the mindset of spreading His light on our friends and family or do we just do these things to show off? At the SPLIT prayer meeting last week, I had to point out that God is never-changing, always constant and a faithful God. Despite our shortcomings, busyness, and static in our lives, He is always there to listen and place us back where we should be. I think it’s time I let God put me back where He wants me to be.




 
 
Natasha
04 November 2009 @ 11:33 am
1. What are you listening to right now?
Ai De De Ti-Leehom Wang

2. How do you style your hair?
straight blunt bangs; hair down

3. What are you wearing right now?
PJ's (sweater from elementary and sweats)

4. What are you currently reading?
Hmm. Ongoing would be Bible.

5. Dumbest thing you've done this week?
Arrived to work an hour early because I didn't receive the new schedule -_-

6. If you could go back in time where would you go?
any of the Leehom encounters/concerts

7. Theme song playing in the background as you die? 
I never thought about this. And I don't want to.

8. Last thing you bought?
Lunch.

9. Who is your all time favorite singer?
Leehom Wang!!

10. What is your weirdest habit?
Hoarding junk.

11. What is your favorite color?
 Blue

12. How much money do you think you are worth?
priceless for sure.

13. What's the weirdest thing you say in Real Life?
What in the world?!

14. Which languages do you wish you spoke?
Korean and French

15. What is your biggest pet peeve?
 smoking

16 What's your ideal weapon?
ME

17. Who was your childhood idol?
I honestly don't know.

18. Funniest movie / tv quote you've ever heard?
Many from "The Office".

19. If you were in a band, what kind of music would you play and what instrument would you want to play?
most likely not country or screamo, but anything else is ok i guess; Guitar, piano/keyboard

20. Tell me something about the person who tagged you. 
She's the first and only person I met that likes HK, SPN, & BB! :D

I'm not going to bother with tagging because I have no friends, lol. I guess you can do it if you want.

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